October 28-29, Hastings, England

Tim 'Ace Man' Davies makes it four in a row

An impressive field of fine and proud minigolf fanatics, representing far-flung nations such as Tibet, the Czech Republic, Finland, India, Sealand, and Scotland, as well as a more local contingent, gathered in Hastings for this year’s competition. Now in its fourth consecutive year at the Seafront course complex, this event is becoming something of an institution, in more than one sense, judging by the sight of slow, hunched shuffling of certain players around the course.

Once again this was a high quality affair featuring some interesting and difficult weather conditions, and some interesting and difficult-to-believe competitor’s outfits. As Australian band The Lucksmiths sang, “It might be minus five outside but my pants are plus fours,” and so it was on Saturday. Particularly resplendent were many of the Cardiff contingent, who came to Hastings via Cardiff’s finest thrift stores. Jan Palmer’s magnificent blue and white floral print pyjama set/cleaners overalls were surely the best on show.

As well as the Bullins, all three of whom would go on to make the final 18, there were plenty of other family rivalries being played out over the weekend. No less than four Exall brothers were having their own private tussle; there were two Battling Bottos; Kevin Moseley, pharmacist by trade, was hoping to ‘dispense’ with the challenge offered by dad Roy, and Family Robertson was well represented with four players.

Much of the previous day’s practice was rendered useless, as Saturday’s play commenced with 87 competitors struggling against a fierce blustery wind, each trying to prove the extent of their ball control. Dave Harding emerged as an early leader after a first round 35, however a new leader was in place by lunch, all-round sportstar John Moore, after a solid 36 on Mini. In the afternoon, the wind took a different turn, very much for the worst, and as the temperature fell, the scores rose, with many 5s, 6s and 7s making their way onto scorecards. During this round, two young lads were overheard chatting as they walked past, and, seeing the flags and displays, one was heard to say, “Oh wow! Look, the World Crazy Golf Championships!” To which his young friend replied, “Oh no, it can’t be today. Look at the people that are playing.”

After some very respectable rounds themselves, Bill and Ruth Bullin were delighted to see their prodigal son Rocky, 12, sitting ahead of the field. (Was it pride on their faces, or icicles?) Rocky’s two afternoon rounds of 36 and 37 were despite the testing winds, and were deservedly rewarded with the role of Overnight Leader. However, the perennial challenge of Tim ‘Aceman’ Davies was rapidly gaining momentum after a superbly bold 32 on crazy, leaving him in 2^nd place, just ahead of the always-impressive Olivia, also 12, who put the ‘pro’ into Prokopova with a professionally constructed score of 152 after four rounds.

Needless to say the age differential of the leading three players was relished by the considerable gaggle of photographers, cameramen and other media types as day two began, the weather much sunnier and calmer to everyone’s relief. More relief was achieved by a nameless member of the Cardiff collective who enjoyed a ‘discreet vomit’ on the beach before commencing the morning’s play after less than two hours sleep. With players visibly happier and warmer, the aces started to roll and the scoring was low. Tim hit 34 and 35 to give himself a few strokes gap out in front, with John Moore matching those scores, and Brad Shepherd, Pasi Aho and Phil Exall all under par for their morning’s efforts. Grant Cairnie was unlucky to miss out on a place in the final with his excellent 6^th round 34 on mini.

So to the excitement of the final, played with special crazy golf rules which allows for all players to be in play simultaneously, and with deliberate cannons of opponents balls allowed, a.k.a. the Terry’s Chocolate Orange rule (“Don’t Tap It. Whack It!”) One of the interesting match-ups included Bill, playing whilst keeping one eye open for stone-throwing dogs, facing wife Ruth and Phil Exall, who all scored decent rounds to leave themselves just outside the prize positions.

“SuperTed!” screamed the back page of The Sun on Monday morning but apparently it referred to a Mr Sheringham rather than John ‘Big Top Ted’ McIver, who despite grinding out many, many 2s finished one place short of last year’s 10^th after a neat 35 in the final. The penultimate group was on fire, with Pasi, Andy and Brad all trading aces in a hard fought battle. All three players managed aces at the short 16^th, and, despite a 3 after being ‘whacked’ by Pasi at the 4^th, this was one of 6 aces by Andy in an incredible round of 31 (crazy crazy course record).

This meant that somebody in the leading group of Tim, Olivia and John had to produce something special to prevent Andy snatching the title, and all spectators were kept on the edge of their, er, shoes as the tournament moved towards its conclusion. A nip and tuck final round left John and Olivia in the respectable positions of =4^th and 6^th, but neither could prevent Tim Davies from claiming his 4^th straight title with another 32. As the aces rolled in, the trademark growls of satisfaction could be heard as far away as Old Roar Road as the many years of course experience paid dividends again. Tim’s 4^th success appears to indicate that he treats this competition not so much as an annual event, but more as a part-time job with a salary of £1000 a year. But will the position be available next October?

As everybody cheered/jeered (delete as applicable) the only matter to be resolved was the 4^th placed play-off between John and Pasi; John won the toss and opted to bat first, a wise decision as it led to a 1^st hole win with an impressive ace under pressure.

The awards were presented to much applause for the prize winning top 6 finishers, plus the Top 3 female players, these being Olivia, Ruth, and a delighted Deborah Robertson. Jungney Tenzin was justifiably proud of his best performance by a Pestolozzi representative. Jan Palmer accepted his Best Dressed Player trophy with a cheeky encouragement for the Virgin Money girls to squeeze in a bit closer for the obligatory photo, and Non Williams was the recipient of the prize for last place. The tournament organisers are advised to reconsider next year’s prize for Worst Performance. Perhaps they could change it to some nice wooden salad tongs, as Non says she has got enough wooden spoons now, thanks.

Many thanks go to all the organisers, referees, scorers, sponsors, and all participants for making this event another great success.

Words : Kevin Moseley

The final 18