World Crazy Golf Championships 2004

October 14th 1066
In a sodden field outside Hastings the tension was palpable. Unshaven unwashed men sweated and cursed, terrified horses whinnied, bird song from the woods eerily ended. The course of English history was to be irrevocably altered. A shower of arrows was forecast for later in the day.

October 16th 2004
11:00am
Unshaved, unwashed men still perspired, the sound of Life President Peter Parr's welcoming speech drowned out the bird song. Though no horses were visible there were plenty of mares to come. A heavy shower of crazy golfers were forecast for the weekend.

After Peters speech, once the echoes of applause finally died away, crazy golf warfare was declared. Tim Davies would produce shock and awe tactics others would just be shocking and awful. Old seasoned crazy golf faces mingled with new innocent ones as the groups went out.

As the first two rounds began the expected Czech challenge failed to materialise, 9 year old Olivia Prokopová didn't produce the sparkle she showed as the 8 year old that finished 3rd last year. Fresh from playing in the 2004 world conkers championship Brad Shepherd showed why he is a British international minigolfer by hitting a course record 32.

The happiest player of the first round though was Janette Robertson, who not only hit a 39 but scooped the star prize of a can of non-alcoholic Russian lager by acing the helter skelter 18th. Sheffield based Phil Riley also hit a fine 36 putting him 7 shots ahead of his South Yorkshire rival Kevin Styles, would he maintain his lead over the next 2 days?
Thomas Burgess, Steve Short, Roy Moseley and Stuart Aitken all got off to tremendous starts.
The chips were down, as was the mushy peas, haddock and lukewarm jam doughnuts as the 50 competitors returned from gorging themselves on wholesome fare before once more wielding putter.
In the morning Ruth Bullin had raced into the lead for the women's title, but her midday meal sat heavy on her as she scored 44 and 47 in the afternoon, letting the Czech ladies right back in it.

Nottingham's Michael King a tour regular was showing the accuracy with his putter that Kevin Costner showed with his bow in that film with that annoying Bryan Adams song , what was it now, 'Everything I Do', anyway I digress - Michael raced into 4th place- an intensive putting schedule in Skegness paying dividends.
The days star though was crazy golf legend and former number one Aceman Davies. 33,33,33 was followed by a bitterly disappointing 34.These scores put him in an unassailable position.
His training regime over the last few days - playing and replaying the same shot and making notes that resembled Admiralty navigational charts contrasted starkly with second place Big Top Ted McIver, who had spent the last few days in Moldova getting drunk with the Tartan Army . Following a missed flight connection in Milan Ted didn't arrive at the course until 09:50 - 70 minutes before the competition began.
As the sun set and the windmill stopped turning Keith Kellard, Peter Emmerson, Brad Shepherd and Kevin Botto were all eyeing up second place.

Day Two
The top twelve competitors would go through to the final round, but other dramas were taking place all round the course. Kevin Styles eventually crushed Phil Riley by 3 shots. Trevor Robertson finished top of the Robertson tree. Trevor Exall was top and only Exall and Eric Hardwick's choice of headwear earnt him a spot on Meridian news.
Newcastle's John Moore the international croquet player, just missed out on the final 12, a shame as his croquet skills would have given him a huge advantage in the final format. As John said though he won't give up hoop for next year.
Paul Hollingworth missed out on the final twelve after losing a sudden death play off to the Czech Republics Libuse Prokopová - the women's title would now go right to the wire.
Though McIver equalled the course record it made no difference to the leaderboard as Davies also got a 32.
Michael King fell like King Harold, from 4th to 11th, a putter in his eye - but was tickled pink to make the final.

In the final first and second were already settled, Keith Kellard though was fighting hard to retain 3rd place and failed to remember the old adage 'you can't putt straight whilst looking over your shoulder' - the twelfth proved his undoing and Keith found himself in a sudden death play off with talented newcomer Peter Emmerson. Keith has already been involved in 4 play offs this year, and his record is comparable to the English football teams record at penalty shoot outs. After 2 holes Keith perished this time to a marvellous ace from Peter.

Tim retained his title and pocketed £500, most of which he had already spent over the previous weeks practicing the course. Davies finished a massive 13 shots ahead of his nearest rival - surely with £500 he can buy a new hat?
Ruth Bullin won the women's trophy, Brad finished in 5th place earning £50 to spend on cheap vodka and a fish supper. Kevin Botto scooped £25 for sixth place.

As the cameras rolled so did eyes as Davies began his acceptance speech.
So darkness fell upon the battlefield - it was Timmy the conqueror who stood swathed in the spoils of victory, alone but for the windmill, its sails endlessly turning and turning till the death of time - well half six any roads.
Ahhh if only John Moore had won imagine it "John the Croquetor", or even better Brad Shepherd - "Brad the Conkerer", life isn't fair.


Brad & Big Top	Banner	Doc	Rocky	Doc	Ace Man

Ace Man & Big Top	Ace Man, Big Top & Doc	Marion	Ace Man	Ace Man	Big Top

Ace Man	Doc & Big Top	Ace Man	Big Top	Spectator	Big Top

The Robertsons	Doc	Ace Man	F1	Michael King	Ruth Bullin

Libuse Prokopová	Michael King	Michael King	Libuse Prokopová	F1	Thomas Burgess

	Player Name		Nat	Crazy	Mini	Crazy	Mini	Crazy	Mini	Final	Total
1	Tim	Davies		33	33*	33	34	32*	39	34	238
2	John	McIver		34	38	34	41	32*	38	34	251
3	Peter	Emmerson		38	39	36	43	37	40	37	270**
4	Keith	Kellard		34	37	36	42	39	39	43	270
5	Brad	Shepherd		32*	39	41	46	34	46	40	278
6	Kevin	Botto		37	44	41	41	35	41	43	282
7	Ruth	Bullin		38	39	44	47	37	40	39	284
8	Thomas	Burgess		39	44	43	44	38	38	39	285
9	Stephen	Gow		37	40	37	45	42	43	42	286
10	Stuart	Aitken		35	47	38	46	36	41	44	287
11	Michael	King		36	39	38	41	43	49	42	288
12	Libuse	Prokopova	CZE	39	46	43	36	39	45	41	289
13	Paul	Hollingworth		39	41	42	41	40	45		248
14	Kevin	Moseley		42	41	44	41	38	42		248
15	John	Moore		42	47	39	47	35	39		249
16	Olivia	Prokopova	CZE	44	43	42	41	39	40		249
17	Trevor	Exall		40	49	43	36	41	43		252
18	Kevin	Styles		43	44	41	40	41	43		252
19	Phil	Riley		36	45	42	46	44	42		255
20	Roy	Moseley		37	45	42	46	42	44		256
21	Phil	Botto		41	40	51	46	39	43		260
22	Eric	Hardwick		40	46	44	42	41	48		261
23	Jake	Moore		40	51	41	50	38	43		263
24	Steve	Short		39	47	49	42	41	45		263
25	Bill	Bullin		46	48	43	45	41	40		263
26	Matt	Whitehurst		45	44	41	47	47	41		265
27	Rocky	Bullin		40	48	47	41	48	44		268
28	Ian	Lewis		42	46	52	43	43	42		268
29	Rob	Woodland		41	41	47	53	39	51		272
30	Jiri	Krebs	CZE	40	43	51	44	45	49		272
31	Paul	Bailey		47	49	41	50	41	45		273
32	Trevor	Robertson		42	43	51	51	41	45		273
33	Ben	Trayhorn		42	45	52	43	46	47		275
34	Daryl	Short		41	48	46	53	43	46		277
35	Mark	Rye		47	47	52	50	38	48		282
36	Anthony	Kellett		45	52	49	46	47	43		282
37	James	Smith		43	47	61	48	47	44		290
38	Michael	Macdonald		43	45	56	59	46	46		295
39	Deborah	Robertson		60	44	52	50	44	49		299
40	Sarah	Short		42	48	62	54	46	51		303
41	Janette	Robertson		39	63	51	58	51	53		315
42	Will	Eagar		37	40	37	42				dnf
43	Will	Knight		42	38	41	46				dnf
44	Martin	Robertson		52	45	50	45				dnf
45	Jamie	Johnson		60	52	50	47				dnf
46	Elizabeth	Evans		59	60	59	55				dnf
47	Edward	Hill		45	54						dnf
48	David	Webb		50	51						dnf
49	Alison	Cannon		69	72						dnf