Planet Hastings Crazy Golf Club Open 2005

Big Top Productions excelled into action, eventually, after a prolonged speech from the President who graced us with his presence hawking the latest BMGA publication. Once the Presidential cavalcade departed, all was go. A distant shot was heard, some talk of a knoll, but... The competitors were visibly slavering at the prospect of another minigolf season. Wading through the saliva to the first on the Tampa Bay Style Adventure Golf the tension was almost as thick the foul stench of Ace Mans trusted red jacket, which on public health grounds was left on the beach with the rest of the toxic rubbish of this town we call Hastings.

The favourites had been in action the day before and all that could be said is that a small child playing with a defective broom could have beaten the lot of them. But for a gusty Easterly the conditions would have been perfect. Links minigolf - you have to love it. Bemused members of the public looked on and played round and through many of the groups understandably aloof to the drama unfolding. For this is the Planet Hastings Crazy Golf Club Open, the only tournament played on four different courses whilst the public are on course too - what a fantastic concept!

The local stars of the home club made their presence known immediately by posting creditable scores, Ace Man hobbling into the lead with a 38, the only one to beat 40. Big Top and Ruth Bullin settled for 41s and a share of second place. Janette Robertson strode into fourth disgracing tour veterans with an excellent 43, Russ Dent followed with a 44 and Kev Botto a 45, he also had a claim to the playboy watch. Unbelievably he had aced the seventh, when the news filtered through to Big Top his game began to suffer. The strain of organising a tournament, providing all the prizes (all 43 of them, well the pate was a donation, so 42) and risking some of his prized possessions, was it to become too much?

On to the crazy golf. The easiest of the four courses, normally. However that tricky Easterly gusted more powerfully. The knowledgeable locals knew that this was not good, the others were blissfully unaware, the wind of change was about to be felt. Ace Man again posted the best round with novice Elliott Selby equalling his 37. Only three others could break 40: Big Top, Russ Dent and John Moore. The only prize that wasn't won on the crazy golf was the Whiskey.

To the mini golf, a true test of putting skills, moreso in this wind. John Moore with a 38 and Kev Botto and Eric Hardwick (only playing the last two rounds) with a 39 were the only ones to better 40. Big Top dropped six shots to par in the first four holes, Ace Man faired only slightly better dropping five after five, not aided by a member of the public who just wanted to be part of the fun. Competitive minigolf remains unrecognised by the great British public - go figure. Both recovered somewhat to retain their relative positions.

A brisk walk to Clambers for the fourth and final round. Ace Man seven shots ahead of arch rival Big Top with Russ Dent a further two behind and one more shot adrift was novice Elliott Selby. The following five players had a shot at a podium place but realistically some having never played it before would be lucky to escape with their pride in tact. The family Robertson were having their own private battle with Trevor three shots ahead of Janette. Martin needed a charge akin to the most illustrious. All three struggled, Martin being first out of the gate was top Robertson for the round but hadn't done enough to overcome the rest. Janette took six shots off Trevor and with it rested the family bragging rights.

Phil Selby came home with a grafted 47 outclassing Clambers veteran Eric Hardwick. The next group consisted of three players who should be there or thereabouts. Jon Angel continued his nightmare of a day with a seven at the innocuous fourth but recovered well to come home in 40. Rocky Bullin with four aces and a sub 40 score can be justly proud of his days work, pipping British number 2 Jon Angel to 9th place. Bill Bullin struggled on the fourth too but also managed a 40.

Of the next group of podium possibles only Steve Gow really made a push failing by just one shot to make the top three. John Moore with his first sight of Clambers came away with an excellent 44, likewise Kev Botto didn't disgrace himself but lost shots to his rivals.

Elliott and Ruth tied on fourth place at the beginning of the round fought it out all the way, Ruth taking the lead midway through the round, held on womanfully to beat Elliott by four shots.

The final threesome set out, McIver knowing he had to make up seven shots. Ace Man's tactics were simple, like the man himself, let Big Top make the moves and just ride on his retro coat tails, well 70's mod ensemble - sadly apparently unappreciated by the local skinhead population. Russ failed to live with the Big Boys and felt the pressure right from the start. His challenge for the title took a nose dive and he was last seen with an imaginary Mars Bar pondering the innards of a roadside tavern. The Grudge Match was on again, Big Top thrusted, Ace Man parried. Cometh the fifteenth cometh the man and that's when Big Top departed. His simple psychological ploys prior to the long wait at the hole rebounded as he hit the bridge and all was lost. Ruth had managed to displace all challengers for an excellent third place. Steve Gow and Elliott bypassed Russ for fourth and fifth.

And if four rounds of quality minigolf weren't enough, there were play-offs for the prizes for holes in one.
Dave kept his novice status in tact by submitting to Ace Man for the £3 prize.
Bill Bullin charged up won the Duracell AA battery.
Martin succumbed to Ace Man for the Wade dish. He must have been overawed by the fact that he'd won the Elvis Presley alarm clock.
Ace Man realising he might win Ulysses, engineered a three at the first and the posse continued, Phil won it outright at the third hole and actually is going to attempt to read it - Good Luck!
Big Top, his pockets saggy and empty from lost booty, clawed a few nominal prizes back.

The presentations were made, a deal to save the playboy watch was struck and money passed hands all of it away from McIver. An excellent event, organised and financed by McIver himself. And what has he got to show for it, a space in the trophy cabinet and a lost cup which his mother really cherished - will he ever hear the end of it? Will he ever stop sulking?

Many thanks to David and Marion on the seafront crazy golf and Ted at Clambers for putting up with us once more.

Special Prizes
Tim Davies £3 & Wade dish
John McIver Shark Pate, 20's book and Video
Ruth Bullin Candlesticks
Steve Gow Bag o' music, Asimov books and Tin of peas
Elliott Selby Deodorant and Video
Russ Dent Mars bar? (I think unclaimed)
Bill Bullin AA Duracell Battery
John Moore Dodo & Mars bar
Rocky Bullin Simpsons video (he couldn't be given the Stella) and Parasol
Jon Angel Piglet and Learn Spanish book
Kev Botto Playboy watch and 60's picture
Phil Selby James Joyce, Ulysses
Trevor Robertson £5
Martin Robertson Elvis Presley clock
Eric Hardwick Toothpaste (Unclaimed)


Ruth & Candlesticks	Jon & Piglet	Prizes	Tim 15th	Ted & Ted	Jon & Piglet	Bill & AA Battery

John with Mars & Dodo	Rocky	Trevino & £5	Janette & Trevino	Steve with tin of Peas	Kev with dosh	Martin

Martin & Elvis

2001 Result: 1. Mark Spry 2. John McIver 3. Tim Davies (played on Seafront Crazy Golf & Seafront minigolf)

2002 Result: 1. John McIver 2. Tim Davies 3. Mr Michael Webb (played on Clambers, Seafront Crazy Golf & Seafront minigolf)

2003 Result: 1. Tim Davies 2. Mr Michael Webb 3. John McIver (played on Clambers, Seafront Crazy Golf, minigolf & Adventure Golf)

2004 Result: 1. John McIver 2. Tim Davies 3. Steve Gow (played on Clambers, Seafront Crazy Golf, minigolf & Adventure Golf)

Hastings Seafront Minigolf Current Planet Hastings CGC record & BMGA record is 33, Tim 'Ace Man' Davies (16/10/2004). All-comers tournament play record 32, Olivia Prokopova (Cze). Worst score 57, Big Top Ted McIver 20/1/2002. Greatest winning margin 15 shots, Ace Man beat Big Top 20/1/2002. <review> <pics>

Hastings Seafront Adventure Golf Current Planet Hastings CGC record is 37, Tim 'Ace Man' Davies 12/4/2003. Current BMGA record Ian Parker, Mr Michael Webb & Tim 'Ace Man' Davies 37 (12/4/2003). Worst score 52, Big Top Ted McIver (25/9/2003). <review> <pics>

Clambers Home of the BMGA British Open and home to Planet Hastings Crazy Golf Club. Official Club night record - 33 - Big Top Ted McIver (11&18/6/2001) and Tim 'Ace Man' Davies (25/6/2001 & 2/7/2001(twice)). Worst score - 53 - Vicky 'Sex Bomb' Sweeting. Current Official Tournament, BMGA, PHCGC & course record 28, Tim 'Ace Man' Davies (14/9/2003). <review> <pics>

		Adventure	Crazy	Mini	Clambers	Total	Ave	Ranking Points
1	Tim Davies	38	37	41	37	153	38.25	275	£50
2	John McIver	41	39	43	37	160	40.00	100
3	Ruth Bullin	41	43	44	42	170	42.50	1
4	Steve Gow	49	42	40	40	171	42.75	1
5	Elliott Selby	49	37	40	46	172	43.00	1
6	Russ Dent	44	39	42	47	172	43.00	1
7	Bill Bullin	46	42	44	40	172	43.00	1
8	John Moore	54	39	38	44	175	43.75	1
9	Rocky Bullin	50	44	44	39	177	44.25	1
10	Jon Angel	47	45	46	40	178	44.50	1
11	Kev Botto	45	48	39	47	179	44.75	1
12	Phil Selby	46	47	46	47	186	46.50	1
13	Dave Forrest	56	49	42	50	197	49.25	1
14	Janette Robertson	43	44	56	58	201	50.25	1
15	Trevor Robertson	50	48	42	62	202	50.50	1
16	Martin Robertson	49	52	54	55	210	52.50	1
17	Eric Hardwick	DNP	DNP	39	49	88		0