HASTINGS INVITATIONAL TOURNAMENT

Planet Hastings, 7 August 2010

3 Ted's and a picnic it could only be a Teddy Bear's Picnic, but no it was the Hastings Invitational Tournament of Crazy Golf. The finest crazy golfers in the country gathered not with woods but putters on the finest crazy golf course in the country, Planet Hastings Crazy Golf.

If you go down in the woods today

You're sure of a big surprise

Initially there were no big surprises. The complete disorganisation of Big Top. He failed to let the fifty plus members know where or when it was, unless they just happened to be at the Planet Hastings course on Tuesday August 2nd at 5.32 pm. The British Championship 2007 scorecards. The Pinky & Perky dice to decide the playing groups. Where was the trophy? And weren't we meant to start at 12 noon?

If you go down to the woods today

You'd better go in disguise

There was no disguising the depths Big Top had gone to make this a day to remember in the annals of gamesmanship infamy.  Take a large dollop of bickering, add a pinch of banter, bring to the boil and stir.  Vigorously!

For ev'ry bear that ever there was

Will gather there for certain, because

Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

Home baked bread, hand churned butter, potato salad, tuna pasta and a big bag of nibbles. Ted's contribution, a slabette of mild cheddar, the smallest available, from the out of date shelf at the local Iceland. He knows that shelf well.

(Instrumental)

The day as always had been planned out to Big Top's way of thinking. Ace Man was to arrive at 9.40 am to play the course whilst Big Top was to trim the errant shrubbery. A text signalled that someone was going to be late. That someone arrived later than suggested. And then Ace Man ended up trimming the bushes without practicing the course. And then spent half an hour blowing off the course as Big Slop napped, ear defenders on. All was going to Ted's plan. Ace had a brief praccy but was then called back to the hut to service some customers and welcome the guests for the day. When had this role reversal occurred? Visions of Tod in his pirate cabin boy dress had obviously deeply disturbed the Ace Man. (Pirate Day was on Friday as part of the Old Town week.) It's not easy being a member of the only piratically themed club in Hastings. For this is the home of the Planet Hastings Pirates!

Ev'ry teddy bear who's been good

Is sure of a treat today

There's lots of marvelous things to eat

And wonderful games to play

And the wonderful game began. Yes, not at 12 noon but half an hour later. In truth the game had all ready begun and been won.  The Gomm's grandchildren enjoyed the spectacle.

Beneath the trees

Where nobody sees

They'll hide and seek as long as they please

That's the way the teddy bears have their picnic

A rolling start became a shotgun start and instead of distributing the groups around the course each started on the initial holes. Stunning! Have finished the first, the group waited on the second and so on. Add in the paying public and you had the chaos effect so beloved of Planet Hastings.

There were two casualties after the first round, Sonny and Matthew. Skateboarding apparently held more allure.

Somehow the groups finished the first two rounds, whilst Sparkle and Ace Man set up the victuals.  

Picnic time for teddy bears

The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today

Watch then, catch them unawares

And see them picnic on their holiday

The two sad bench tables were resplendent with food for the incoming players. Club members enjoyed the especially reasonably priced ices and drinks. Yes, thankfully Ace Man had done the shopping.  For all club members get a discount on this marvellous fare.  Ted had also managed to coincide the event with a car crash, the parallels were obvious.

On to the final round.....

See them gaily gad about

They love to play and shout

They never have any cares

Big Top lead by four shots from Ace Man, who was two ahead of the Gift.  Neither of the challengers challenged so it was left to Ace Man to hide Big Top's putter on the 12th as he gad off to service his first customers of the day.  The gambit backfired and Ace Man was seen in that murky light once more.  Terry 'The Gift' Exall's putter disintegrated and he used Big Top's putter for the rest of the round.  Unfortunately he couldn't break that one too.

It was all over, Big Top took the win. No pictures were taken. Ace Man apologised to the three members who turned up for a round.  They were unaware the event was on.

Fortunately Big Foot beat his daughter, Sparkle, but not in the final round!  And Sparkle improved in all three rounds, whereas Big Foot didn't!! Ted held off the attentions of Harry, a very gifted thirteen year old, shading him by four shots.  And Dave Gomm steadily got worse but held on to fourth spot.

At six o' clock

Their mummies and daddies

Will take them home to bed

'Cause they're tired little teddy bears

Apparently the trophy was presented to Ted in the Old Town later that evening, none of the rest of the field were present. 

Perhaps not a Teddy Bear's Picnic but more of a Big Tup Aware party. The fridge was now full of food, which should see Big Top through a couple of weeks at least. All were agreed what a wonderful job Ted had done, except one. Ace Man duly wrote up the results. It's no surprise that this was the anniversary of the coup by Ming Dynasty Chinese military general Cao Qin against the Tianshun Emperor. Or that on this day in 1888 Theophilus Van Kannel patented the revolving door. All part of McWormTongue's master plan.

The organiser would like to thank the membership for their forebearance and Tel for the Wales top.

With the British Open coming to Planet Hastings in September, who would bet against the Big Top?

 

Pos

Player

Rd1

Rd2

Rd3

Total

Rank Pt

1

Big Top

30

39

31

100

200

2

Ace Man

38

35

35

108

100

3

The Gift

37

38

36

111

50

4

The Gomm

39

44

45

128

5

Ted

51

42

41

134

6

Harry

46

43

49

138

7

Big Foot

47

55

56

158

8

Sparkle

58

57

56

171

9

Sonny

51

51

10

Matthew

53

53

 

1. Big Top

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Total

Rd 1

1

2

2

2

3

1

1

1

3

1

1

1

2

2

2

1

3

1

30

Rd 2

2

2

2

2

3

1

2

3

2

4

1

4

1

2

2

2

2

2

39

Rd 3

2

1

1

2

2

1

1

2

2

3

2

2

1

2

2

1

2

2

31

100

Average

1.67

1.67

1.67

2.00

2.67

1.00

1.33

2.00

2.33

2.67

1.33

2.33

1.33

2.00

2.00

1.33

2.33

1.67

33.33

2. Ace Man

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Total

Rd 1

2

2

1

2

4

2

1

2

2

3

2

2

3

2

4

1

2

1

38

Rd 2

2

1

2

2

3

1

2

3

3

3

1

2

2

1

2

2

2

1

35

Rd 3

2

2

1

3

3

2

2

2

2

3

1

2

1

2

2

2

1

2

35

108

Average

2.00

1.67

1.33

2.33

3.33

1.67

1.67

2.33

2.33

3.00

1.33

2.00

2.00

1.67

2.67

1.67

1.67

1.33

36.00

3. The Gift

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Total

Rd 1

3

2

2

2

1

3

3

1

2

2

1

2

2

2

3

2

2

2

37

Rd 2

2

2

3

2

2

3

2

2

2

4

1

2

2

2

2

2

1

2

38

Rd 3

3

2

2

2

2

2

3

2

2

1

2

2

1

2

3

2

2

1

36

111

Average

2.67

2.00

2.33

2.00

1.67

2.67

2.67

1.67

2.00

2.33

1.33

2.00

1.67

2.00

2.67

2.00

1.67

1.67

37.00

4. The Gomm

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Total

Rd 1

1

2

2

2

3

2

2

2

3

2

3

2

2

3

3

2

1

2

39

Rd 2

3

2

3

2

3

2

2

3

4

4

1

1

2

3

2

2

3

2

44

Rd 3

3

4

1

3

1

1

3

2

4

2

2

2

2

2

3

2

4

4

45

128

Average

2.33

2.67

2.00

2.33

2.33

1.67

2.33

2.33

3.67

2.67

2.00

1.67

2.00

2.67

2.67

2.00

2.67

2.67

42.67

5. Ted

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Total

Rd 1

2

2

2

2

4

2

1

2

4

6

2

2

2

3

3

3

6

3

51

Rd 2

2

1

2

3

4

2

2

2

2

6

1

3

2

2

2

1

3

2

42

Rd 3

3

2

3

2

1

2

1

2

2

6

2

3

1

3

2

2

2

2

41

134

Average

2.33

1.67

2.33

2.33

3.00

2.00

1.33

2.00

2.67

6.00

1.67

2.67

1.67

2.67

2.33

2.00

3.67

2.33

44.67

6. Harry

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Total

Rd 1

5

2

2

2

3

2

2

2

6

2

2

3

1

2

3

2

3

2

46

Rd 2

6

3

2

2

3

2

3

1

2

1

2

2

2

3

4

2

1

2

43

Rd 3

4

2

3

2

3

3

2

3

2

5

2

2

3

2

6

1

2

2

49

138

Average

5.00

2.33

2.33

2.00

3.00

2.33

2.33

2.00

3.33

2.67

2.00

2.33

2.00

2.33

4.33

1.67

2.00

2.00

46.00

7. Big Foot

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Total

Rd 1

4

1

2

2

4

3

3

2

3

2

3

2

3

3

3

1

4

2

47

Rd 2

1

2

4

2

4

3

3

2

3

7

3

2

3

4

6

2

2

2

55

Rd 3

7

3

2

2

5

1

7

2

3

4

2

3

3

4

4

1

2

1

56

158

Average

4.00

2.00

2.67

2.00

4.33

2.33

4.33

2.00

3.00

4.33

2.67

2.33

3.00

3.67

4.33

1.33

2.67

1.67

52.67

8. Sparkle

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Total

Rd 1

3

4

3

2

3

2

4

2

3

4

3

3

3

2

7

3

5

2

58

Rd 2

5

4

3

4

5

4

2

1

2

1

2

5

3

3

2

3

2

6

57

Rd 3

2

2

7

3

5

3

2

3

4

2

2

3

2

3

6

2

3

2

56

171

Average

3.33

3.33

4.33

3.00

4.33

3.00

2.67

2.00

3.00

2.33

2.33

3.67

2.67

2.67

5.00

2.67

3.33

3.33

57.00

9. Sonny (ret)

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Total

Rd 1

5

2

2

4

2

2

5

2

5

5

2

3

2

2

2

2

2

2

51

10. Matthew (ret)

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

Total

Rd 1

2

2

2

2

5

3

3

2

5

7

3

3

2

3

3

2

3

1

53

 

 

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