HASTINGS INVITATIONAL TOURNAMENT
Planet Hastings, 7 August 2010 3 Ted's and a picnic it could only be a Teddy
Bear's Picnic, but no it was the Hastings Invitational Tournament of Crazy Golf.
The finest crazy golfers in the country gathered not with woods but putters on
the finest crazy golf course in the country, Planet Hastings Crazy Golf. If you go down in the woods today You're sure of a big surprise Initially there were no big surprises. The
complete disorganisation of Big Top. He failed to let the fifty plus members
know where or when it was, unless they just happened to be at the Planet
Hastings course on Tuesday August 2nd at 5.32 pm. The British Championship 2007
scorecards. The Pinky & Perky dice to decide the playing groups. Where was
the trophy? And weren't we meant to start at 12 noon? If you go down to the woods today You'd better go in disguise There was no disguising the depths Big Top had
gone to make this a day to remember in the annals of gamesmanship infamy.
Take a large dollop of bickering, add a pinch of banter, bring to the boil and
stir. Vigorously! For ev'ry bear that ever there
was Will gather there for certain,
because Today's the day the teddy bears
have their picnic Home baked bread, hand churned butter, potato
salad, tuna pasta and a big bag of nibbles. Ted's contribution, a slabette of
mild cheddar, the smallest available, from the out of date shelf at the local
Iceland. He knows that shelf well. (Instrumental) The day as always had been planned out to Big
Top's way of thinking. Ace Man was to arrive at 9.40 am to play the course
whilst Big Top was to trim the errant shrubbery. A text signalled that someone
was going to be late. That someone arrived later than suggested. And then Ace
Man ended up trimming the bushes without practicing the course. And then spent
half an hour blowing off the course as Big Slop napped, ear defenders on. All
was going to Ted's plan. Ace had a brief praccy but was then called back to the
hut to service some customers and welcome the guests for the day. When had this
role reversal occurred? Visions of Tod in his pirate cabin boy dress had
obviously deeply disturbed the Ace Man. (Pirate Day was on Friday as part of the
Old Town week.) It's not easy being a member of the only
piratically themed club in Hastings. For this is the home of the Planet Hastings
Pirates! Ev'ry teddy bear who's been good Is sure of a treat today There's lots of marvelous things
to eat And wonderful games to play And the wonderful game began. Yes, not at 12
noon but half an hour later. In truth the game had all ready begun and been won.
The Gomm's grandchildren enjoyed the spectacle. Beneath the trees Where nobody sees They'll hide and seek as long as
they please That's the way the teddy bears
have their picnic A rolling start became a shotgun start and
instead of distributing the groups around the course each started on the initial
holes. Stunning! Have finished the first, the group waited on the second and so
on. Add in the paying public and you had the chaos effect so beloved of Planet
Hastings. There were two casualties after the first round,
Sonny and Matthew. Skateboarding apparently held more allure. Somehow the groups finished the first two
rounds, whilst Sparkle and Ace Man set up the victuals. Picnic time for teddy bears The little teddy bears are having
a lovely time today Watch then, catch them unawares And see them picnic on their
holiday The two sad bench tables were resplendent with
food for the incoming players. Club members enjoyed the especially reasonably
priced ices and drinks. Yes, thankfully Ace Man had done the shopping. For all club members get a discount on this marvellous
fare. Ted had also managed to coincide the event with a car crash, the
parallels were obvious. On to the final round..... See them gaily gad about They love to play and shout They never have any cares Big Top lead by four shots from Ace Man, who was
two ahead of the Gift. Neither of the challengers challenged so it was
left to Ace Man to hide Big Top's putter on the 12th as he gad off to service
his first customers of the day. The gambit backfired and Ace Man was seen
in that murky light once more. Terry 'The Gift' Exall's putter
disintegrated and he used Big Top's putter for the rest of the round.
Unfortunately he couldn't break that one too. It was all over, Big Top took the win. No
pictures were taken. Ace Man apologised to the three members who turned up for a
round. They were unaware the event was on. Fortunately Big Foot beat his daughter, Sparkle,
but not in the final round! And Sparkle improved in all three rounds,
whereas Big Foot didn't!! Ted held off the attentions of Harry, a very
gifted thirteen year old, shading him by four shots. And Dave Gomm
steadily got worse but held on to fourth spot. At six o' clock Their mummies and daddies Will take them home to bed 'Cause they're tired little teddy
bears Apparently the trophy was presented to Ted in the Old Town later
that evening, none of the rest of the field were present. Perhaps not a Teddy Bear's Picnic but more of a
Big Tup Aware party. The fridge was now full of food, which should see Big Top
through a couple of weeks at least. All were agreed what a wonderful job Ted had
done, except one. Ace Man duly wrote up the results. It's no surprise that this
was the anniversary of the coup by Ming Dynasty Chinese military general Cao Qin
against the Tianshun Emperor. Or that on this day in 1888 Theophilus Van Kannel
patented the revolving door. All part of McWormTongue's master plan. The organiser would like to thank the membership
for their forebearance and Tel for the Wales top. With the British Open coming to Planet Hastings
in September, who would bet against the Big Top? 
|
Pos |
Player |
Rd1 |
Rd2 |
Rd3 |
Total |
Rank Pt |
|
1 |
Big Top |
30 |
39 |
31 |
100 |
200 |
|
2 |
Ace Man |
38 |
35 |
35 |
108 |
100 |
|
3 |
The Gift |
37 |
38 |
36 |
111 |
50 |
|
4 |
The Gomm |
39 |
44 |
45 |
128 |
|
|
5 |
Ted |
51 |
42 |
41 |
134 |
|
|
6 |
Harry |
46 |
43 |
49 |
138 |
|
|
7 |
Big Foot |
47 |
55 |
56 |
158 |
|
|
8 |
Sparkle |
58 |
57 |
56 |
171 |
|
|
9 |
Sonny |
51 |
51 |
|||
|
10 |
Matthew |
53 |
53 |
|
1. Big Top |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 |
Total |
|
|
Rd 1 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
1 |
1 |
1 |
3 |
1 |
1 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
3 |
1 |
30 |
|
|
Rd 2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
4 |
1 |
4 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
39 |
|
|
Rd 3 |
2 |
1 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
31 |
100 |
|
Average |
1.67 |
1.67 |
1.67 |
2.00 |
2.67 |
1.00 |
1.33 |
2.00 |
2.33 |
2.67 |
1.33 |
2.33 |
1.33 |
2.00 |
2.00 |
1.33 |
2.33 |
1.67 |
33.33 |
|
|
2. Ace Man |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 |
Total |
|
|
Rd 1 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
4 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
4 |
1 |
2 |
1 |
38 |
|
|
Rd 2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
3 |
3 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
35 |
|
|
Rd 3 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
1 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
35 |
108 |
|
Average |
2.00 |
1.67 |
1.33 |
2.33 |
3.33 |
1.67 |
1.67 |
2.33 |
2.33 |
3.00 |
1.33 |
2.00 |
2.00 |
1.67 |
2.67 |
1.67 |
1.67 |
1.33 |
36.00 |
|
|
3. The Gift |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 |
Total |
|
|
Rd 1 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
3 |
3 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
37 |
|
|
Rd 2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
4 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
38 |
|
|
Rd 3 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
36 |
111 |
|
Average |
2.67 |
2.00 |
2.33 |
2.00 |
1.67 |
2.67 |
2.67 |
1.67 |
2.00 |
2.33 |
1.33 |
2.00 |
1.67 |
2.00 |
2.67 |
2.00 |
1.67 |
1.67 |
37.00 |
|
|
4. The Gomm |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 |
Total |
|
|
Rd 1 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
39 |
|
|
Rd 2 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
4 |
1 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
44 |
|
|
Rd 3 |
3 |
4 |
1 |
3 |
1 |
1 |
3 |
2 |
4 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
4 |
4 |
45 |
128 |
|
Average |
2.33 |
2.67 |
2.00 |
2.33 |
2.33 |
1.67 |
2.33 |
2.33 |
3.67 |
2.67 |
2.00 |
1.67 |
2.00 |
2.67 |
2.67 |
2.00 |
2.67 |
2.67 |
42.67 |
|
|
5. Ted |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 |
Total |
|
|
Rd 1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
4 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
4 |
6 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
3 |
3 |
6 |
3 |
51 |
|
|
Rd 2 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
6 |
1 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
1 |
3 |
2 |
42 |
|
|
Rd 3 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
6 |
2 |
3 |
1 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
41 |
134 |
|
Average |
2.33 |
1.67 |
2.33 |
2.33 |
3.00 |
2.00 |
1.33 |
2.00 |
2.67 |
6.00 |
1.67 |
2.67 |
1.67 |
2.67 |
2.33 |
2.00 |
3.67 |
2.33 |
44.67 |
|
|
6. Harry |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 |
Total |
|
|
Rd 1 |
5 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
6 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
1 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
46 |
|
|
Rd 2 |
6 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
1 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
43 |
|
|
Rd 3 |
4 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
5 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
6 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
49 |
138 |
|
Average |
5.00 |
2.33 |
2.33 |
2.00 |
3.00 |
2.33 |
2.33 |
2.00 |
3.33 |
2.67 |
2.00 |
2.33 |
2.00 |
2.33 |
4.33 |
1.67 |
2.00 |
2.00 |
46.00 |
|
|
7. Big Foot |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 |
Total |
|
|
Rd 1 |
4 |
1 |
2 |
2 |
4 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
3 |
3 |
1 |
4 |
2 |
47 |
|
|
Rd 2 |
1 |
2 |
4 |
2 |
4 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
7 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
6 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
55 |
|
|
Rd 3 |
7 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
5 |
1 |
7 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
2 |
3 |
3 |
4 |
4 |
1 |
2 |
1 |
56 |
158 |
|
Average |
4.00 |
2.00 |
2.67 |
2.00 |
4.33 |
2.33 |
4.33 |
2.00 |
3.00 |
4.33 |
2.67 |
2.33 |
3.00 |
3.67 |
4.33 |
1.33 |
2.67 |
1.67 |
52.67 |
|
|
8. Sparkle |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 |
Total |
|
|
Rd 1 |
3 |
4 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
4 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
3 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
7 |
3 |
5 |
2 |
58 |
|
|
Rd 2 |
5 |
4 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
4 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
1 |
2 |
5 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
6 |
57 |
|
|
Rd 3 |
2 |
2 |
7 |
3 |
5 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
2 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
6 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
56 |
171 |
|
Average |
3.33 |
3.33 |
4.33 |
3.00 |
4.33 |
3.00 |
2.67 |
2.00 |
3.00 |
2.33 |
2.33 |
3.67 |
2.67 |
2.67 |
5.00 |
2.67 |
3.33 |
3.33 |
57.00 |
|
|
9. Sonny (ret) |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 |
Total |
|
|
Rd 1 |
5 |
2 |
2 |
4 |
2 |
2 |
5 |
2 |
5 |
5 |
2 |
3 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
51 |
|
|
10. Matthew (ret) |
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
11 |
12 |
13 |
14 |
15 |
16 |
17 |
18 |
Total |
|
|
Rd 1 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
2 |
5 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
5 |
7 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
3 |
2 |
3 |
1 |
53 |
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