The Captain's Perspective. 

L/R: Ruth 'Plate Thrower', Bill 'The Conqueror' & Rocky 'Mind Control' Bullin, Tim 'Ace Man' Davies, John 'Thighs' Moore

Thursday 01.30 The troops gather, a small but unique band of minigolfers are preparing to invade the continent.

We depart for Dover, arrive on time and this part of the journey goes without incident.  The ferry is delayed by one hour.  We leave the UK at 05.00.  The ferry arrives at 07.00, 08.00 local time.  The Bullins wake me up from a nap and a car deck once full consists of our car sitting towards the front of what was once a very long queue.  We leave the port and whiz through France and into Belgium, we stop for diesel and I try and speak French to the attendant, he replies in perfect English saying they speak Flemish around here.  Belgium is good for cheap baccy, I can think of nothing else nice to say about it.  Well not quite, there is Nadine who is busy helping me with the sites collection of old miniature golf postcards. Another coffee stop, a surreal conversation with a local, on we go and finally we reach the Netherlands.  And for the record Belgian drivers are worse than the French, with as much road sense as a hedgehog on speed.  Instructions on getting to the course were a bit sketchy, well they were written in Dutch.  A helpful Dutch chap, he spoke perfect English, in fact I felt inclined to be grammatically correct and enunciate perfectly so as not to offend, gave us the final clues to getting there.  Bill and Ruth went into 'I'm speaking to a dullard mode' adding funny noises to the end of words with an affected voice as they tend to when speaking to foreigners.  Consequently I didn't understand what they were saying either.  Well it might coax a three year old out of a tree.  We arrived 11.00, John Moore having arrived moments earlier.

On to practice, John had to use Vics Magnum putter as there wasn't a Maier Pro for sale.  Fortunately all you had to do was ask and a multitude of minigolfers profferred advice.  We were particularly aided by Margus (the Estonian basketball referee), Markus (Swiss), Tiny (the course owner) and Erik of minigolfpics fame.  We were also presented with advice from Thomas and Willy via Herr Wagenhofer.  What could possibly go wrong?

Well it rained.  At times, lots of it!  And it got decidedly cold.  We battled on as the noncy continentals ran for cover.  In some ways it was unfortunate in that it only rained on the Thursday because some of the lines we'd practiced didn't work in the ever drier conditions.  Even we had to concede that conditions had deteriorated, to the extent that John had to put on a tee shirt, he hooped no other Geordies were looking.  Rocky was then called away to the coaches meeting, the only participant with a chaperone.  The coaching team gleaned, from a one hour meeting, that you had to walk a particular way on the 7th but they weren't sure on which course or why.

Come 17.45 it was decided we had to find the hotel.  We left Rocky and Ruth to praccy.  The hotel wasn't where we thought it was.  Why would it, well there was a sign that said ' Hotel De Brug'.  The motelier, whose motel was next to the sign, provided detailed instructions and off we scooted.  "You can't miss it" were his exact words. Those instructions only failed on the final roundabout as we missed it.  As we drove in the opposite direction John saved the day spotting a sign heading the other way.  Arrived, booked in, luggage unloaded.  Off to get some tucker for the team.  The local chippy sufficed and apparently John was winked at by the young lady behind the counter, Bill and I were convinced she'd got spattered by a bit of chip fat.  We returned to the course at 19.30 for the Opening Ceremony only to find Ruth and Rocky sullen-faced demanding they be taken to the hotel immediately.  So whilst everyone tucked into their food I taxied the sulky pair to the hotel where I eventually go to eat mine. And that's why the team missed the do.  Apparently one of the officials had spotted an English car pull into the car park, that was us turning around.  I hope they didn't wait for us to start??  John and I decided it only right that we went back to the course to offer our apologies.  Tiny was not pleased.  Well, neither was I!

21.30 returned to hotel to find it was being shared by the Angolan and Australian football teams.  Earlier I'd informed the receptionist that the British Minigolf team had arrived, she was unimpressed.  A couple of glasses of red wine were supped whilst watching John and Bill play over-sized chess.  I shouted lots of useless instructions to John which he ignored and he lost.  I hate chess.  John almost got interviewed by the TV crew camped out in the hotel lobby, they weren't sure where he was from, Australia was their best guess.  Ah the media.....

Finally at 23.30 crashed out - last words to the team, "remember team breakfast at 6.15am".

Friday 06.15 - a call to arms as I knocked the team up.   Down to brekkers, ate everything I could see whilst I waited.  06.45 the rest of the team arrive.  Arrange to leave hotel at 08.00, whilst waiting in the car I realise I'm missing four team mates.  Return to hotel to find Rocky thrashing John at over-sized chess, my only advice is "resign". This time he listens.  Bill meanwhile is at reception.  08.15 team leaves hotel in a car cram full of people, luggage and tents.

08.30 Arrive course and tree willing unload car.  Praccy commences on a dry course and once again as he did the day before the 'team within a team' decides to plough a lonely trough,  Bill goes his own way.  Lots of valuable practice done, however Ruth joins Bill and misses most of what Margus was passing on to us.  It's dry and there is no sign of rain, things are definitely hotting up.

19.00 Leave to find campsite (Camping 't Wolfven).  We find it easily as it's on the road to Mierlo which I know well, now!  We're allowed in through the security barrier and hey presto all we have to do is put up the tents.  Simple really.  Just one problem Bill has packed the picnic bag and not the groundsheet for the Bullins family tent.  Magnanimously I offer to sleep in the car.  Offered accepted and we put up the tents.  I think better of it, reminding myself what Ruth had said about the Poole excursion and drive off into the night.  22.30 Arrive at hotel, after many detours, 'T Anker.  Some might think that appropriate, 23.45 finish writing up notes and crash.  Got bitten by something at the campsite, it might have been Rocky.

06.00 Wakey, wakey down to breakfast, shower and then off to collect the Bullins and John from the campsite. 07.00 Arrive camp site, can't get car in.  Walk to the tent to find Bill in some white ensemble (not the agreed team colours) and John just awoken, no sign of Rocky and Ruth.  Mental note, don't speak to John within half an hour of him waking up - couldn't understand a word he was saying. 07.20 hit the road arriving at the course for 07.30.

Have a coffee and a chat and then barely place my ball on the first hole at Beton for a praccy only to hear that practice is now over.

At this point we played some minigolf.  I had the honour of playing with Karin Wiklund for six rounds.  We started at 08.06 and we finished around 20.00, 12 hours of minigolf without more than a ten minute break.  Bill played with some bloke from Sweden, he managed an 18 on Eternit, Bill didn't think it important and so didn't bother relating this to the team.  I think he was worried that his non-standard hat was missing.  A blue hat with 1966 on it and an additional badge which said 'England'.  Personally I would prefer sunstroke.

I'll come back to this later.........(I haven't got the hole by hole scores)

The shot of the day went to Karin with an in-off off an insect.  The ball was slowly missing the hole on the left when a small beetle scampered across, the ball hit it and swerved to the right and in to the hole.

Rocky was an excellent runner and coach.  So much so that I agreed to a warm-down and played 2 more rounds with him.  He was getting a sound thrashing on Eternit so I decided to make a few mistakes on the Diabolo.  Rocky shouts out that the World Crazy Golf Champion should be better than this and I bow my head in shame as Daniel Klosek (he's the one missing that same hole in the Eternit piccies) and Bianca Zodrow give me a look. I win, then I beat him at Beton, then I beat him all the way home with a large fistful of nettles.

As for John Moore, he was the second player ever to lose a ball in a major championship whilst playing a hole on Eternit.  The first being another Brit, the gentleman amateur, Mr Michael Webb.

Around 21.00 we leave, drop John at the campsite so he can go running (weirdo! 12 hours of minigolf not enough!!) and head off to 'T Anker for a slap up meal.  Rocky demands a lift back to the camp site, I offer to kick him all the way there.  Offer refused.

Sunday 06.00 Up too early again.  No brekkers, lots of coffee instead then off to pick up the rest of the team.  Resolve to leave tents and pick them up later.  Another 08.06 start for me, on Beton, two different players this time.  I don't think I've ever played a round with such miseries, Roland Klarenbeek and a Belgian woman.  Things were a lot better on the Eternit, there were a lot more smiles and it was a much more rewarding experience.  Rocky did an excellent job again.  Bill tried manfully to join John Moore in the record books, all he had for his efforts were a soiled pair of tracky bottoms.

I'll come back to this later.........

We finally finished playing at around midday and sat around chatting and relaxing.  This seemed more like the UK mini golf scene!  It was great to see Achim again who came up to support his national team.  The Germans only had one team this year.

Back to the camp site to dismantle the tents and pack the car whilst Rocky and Ruth went swimming.

Chaos ensued but we managed to leave at the agreed time of 15.00.  Arrived Dunkirk 18.00 and confronted by a massive lorry jam.  We followed another car that overtook the lot and we arrived at the check-in.  No sleep during the crossing for me for which Rocky was severely reprimanded, Bill and Ruth slept well though.  Stoney silence for the first twenty minutes on the drive back to Hastings.  Rocky, remember the pun is mightier than the 'S' word.  Got home at 22.30 local time, had a couple of glasses of wine and spent the next day throwing up.

Great fun, can't wait to do it again, not sure I'll be allowed though.

Top tips:  Watch out for the glare on the eternit - red eyes follow.  Drink plenty of water, I was very dehydrated by the end of it.  And don't forget the sun screen - I did.

Key Phrases:  (phonetically)  Danker Vell - Thank You    As de bloof - please

C=Concrete or Beton   E= Eternit   DDO= Double Dutch Open  NC= Nations Cup