Jon Angel wins British Championship

  

British Championships, Stratford-upon-Avon, 1st October, 2005

 

From Bard to Verse

Stratford-upon-Avon minigolf course

A little tatty around the edges, seen better days, a few bald patches. Nevertheless it was great to see Robert Vallory again - the only British minigolfer to have his own show on Sky Sports.

Two previous British champions, Tim Davies and Ted McIver had once again been terrorised by rogue Warwickshire hedgehogs on the previous night. This year the hedgehog vindictively set off Tim's car alarm at 3am and 3:15 am.

The British championship was not the only trophy to be won there was also the British Seniors, British Juniors and British Womens titles.

As geese on the nearby Avon honked and cackled the first round began under rain swollen clouds.  The first round saw the new ruthless generation of minigolfers sweep up the leaderboard - British team captain and crazy golf heartthrob Jon Angel led with 32, breathing hard down his tracksuit collar was another London based international and British conkers heartthrob Brad Shepherd. And also on 33 the Godfather of Welwyn Garden City minigolf Robert Vallory, playing in his first tournament of the year. Seeing Robert again is like seeing Pink Floyd reformed.

Philip Peacock looking to win the novice prize finished on 37 the same score as British number one Keith Kellard.

The second round was to be Peter Parr's swansong. The founding father of British minigolf, the man who discovered Tim Davies, who since 1997 had worked tirelessly promoting the sport was hoping to make the super final for a fitting end to his long and illustrious playing career. Sadly despite 5 holes in one Peter scored a disappointing 39 and missed out.  His legacy lives on every time we hit a minigolf ball, we'll remember Peter. Gone but not forgotten.
Tim Davies, forgotten but not gone, managed a 35, Tim not only isn't hip it seems now he doesn't even possess a hip, his trademark grrrr replaced by rrrrrrrg.

Philip Peacock won the highest ever novice prize of £50 to move above British number one Keith Kellard on the earnings list, well almost. Brad thwocked in another 33 to go top, his trademark clenched fist celebration looking like he is pulling an invisible lav flush chain will be seen for many many years to come.

While Robert Vallory found his choice of eating a bag of reduced price Morrisons spring onions in the break to be his undoing. The winds of chance were blowing in an other direction as Robert laboured to a 40.  The Junior title was won by Rocky Bullin, beating nearest rival Mitchell Vallory.  The Womens title was won by his mother Ruth Bullin, and the seniors was to be a playoff between Ruth and the crumbling corpse that once was a man -Tim "Aceman" Davies. He was the finest miniaturegolfer this country has ever produced, now he is a rotting husk that looks like its escaped from the British museum's Egyptology section. Ruth was given a new way of playing the hole by her husband - and duly took a 3 the prize was Davies's, his nth trophy win.  If only he was fit enough to hold it up. And so to the super final.

Super Final

Robert Vallory, his gastric juices finally dissolving the spring onions returned once more to form, his flashing blade erased the painful memories of losing to LIONEL BENDER in last years tournament. Lionel refused to comment, apart from saying "the BMGA handbook is now available for £2.50." Jam with professional putter and balls, but no TEAM GB official tracksuit yet, played another crisp clear round of 36.

Keith Kellard, British number one was pleased to finish above the hapless McIver and the hipless Davies.  Russell Dent just missed out on 3rd place, after another excellent round. Surely Russell will get his international call up to play in next years European championships in the Netherlands.  In the top group Jon Angel hit a faultless round of 34, it could have been last years winner Thierry playing, except Jon's tracksuit bottoms are a little more fitted around his shapely buttocks. Brad was in the race up to the tenth, when Jon's two meant an ace for Brad would put him back in the overall lead. He sent the ball thundering down the fairway, the hole somehow swerved out the way and Brad was left a ticklish second shot to save par, he missed and the miss affected him for the next 3 holes - A hole in one on the 16th guaranteed 2nd place and kept him out of the clutches of 3rd placed Chris Harding - a neat confident player, reminiscent of Tim Davies when he was good. Chris would be well advised to buy a glass fronted cabinet in the January sales to put his 2006 trophies in.

And so all eyes turned to Jon Angel , his sideburns aquiver as he strode up in his thong enriched, groin hugging tracksuit to collect his winnings.  The sun gleamed from the trophy as Linda Dexter kindly presented him with a £250 cheque and cup. Let the final words lie with Jon " I dedicate this to my mother who has always supported me".

Actually lets leave the last words to Lionel "Only £2.50 for the BMGA handbook".  And the last act was a flash of John Moore's glistening pumping thighs as he glided by the official warm-down round.

Words: Ted McIver

Pos Player Round 1 Round 2 Total Final TOTAL Ave Points
               
1 Jon Angel 32 35 67 33 100 33.33 1,000
2 Brad Shepherd 33 33 66 37 103 34.33 900
3 Chris Harding 34 36 70 34 104 34.67 866
4 Russ Dent 36 34 70 35 105 35.00 833
5 Keith Kellard 37 33 70 36 106 35.33 800
6 Robert Vallory 33 40 73 34 107 35.67 766
7 John McIver 37 33 70 37 107 35.67 766
8 Ruth Bullin * 36 34 70 37 107 35.67 766
9 Tim Davies ** 35 35 70 38 108 36.00 733
10 James Trubridge 35 38 73 36 109 36.33 700
11 Bill Bullin 37 36 73 37 110 36.67 666
12 Steve Vallory 38 35 73 38 111 37.00 633
13 Steve Gow 35 39     74 37.00 633
14 John Moore 39 37     76 38.00 533
15 Peter Parr 37 39     76 38.00 533
16 Phillip Peacock 37 40     77 38.50 483
17 Terry Brookshaw 43 35     78 39.00 433
18 Lionel Bender 39 39     78 39.00 433
19 Rocky Bullin *** 43 38     81 40.50 283
20 Alex Beavan 44 38     82 41.00  
21 Phil Bousfield 43 40     83 41.50 183
22 Sean Homer 42 42     84 42.00 133
23 Chris Jones 46 40     86 43.00 33
24 Michell Vallory 45 41     86 43.00 33
25 Michael King 44 42     86 43.00 33
26 Alex Ford 45 43     88 44.00  
27 John Bousfield 49 43     92 46.00 1
28 Marion Christian 47 46     93 46.50  
29 James Howson 53 42     95 47.50  
30 Carolyne Doherty 56 55     111 55.50  
31 Ben Dexter 60 58     118 59.00 1

 

* Ruth Bullin - British Women's Champion

** Tim Davies - British Senior Champion

*** Rocky Bullin - British Junior Champion

 

Jon 1st Brad 2nd Chris 3rd  Russ 4th Ruth Womens Champ
Rocky Junior Champ Tim Senior Champ Phil Novice Champ Bill Jon
Steve Gow Brad Steve Vallory Bill Tim playoff ruling
   
McIver Tim & Ruth Trophies    

Photos: Jon Angel, Chris Jones, Lionel Bender

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